You are ready to go for it - the new job, the promotion, a change of industry, start the side hustle, whatever “it” is for you. 

And then the little voice in your head creeps in with…

“But what will people say?”

“What if they think I am being unrealistic… or selfish… or too ambitious?”

“What if I make a fool of myself?!”

Sound familiar?

The fear of judgment is one of the most common blocks I see, especially high-achieving professionals who are used to doing what is expected of them and doing a good job at it too. 

This fear certainly held me back! 

Many modern businesses require social media, which meant I had to overcome my fear of judgement of putting myself out there, or accept that I would likely never achieve what I want to. 

I worried what my ex-colleagues would think, what my current colleagues think, what my mum would think, my childhood friends and acquaintances, other school mums, my neighbour… the list goes on. 

Until I thought, f**ck it, they can think I am a fool but at least I am trying. We all have to start somewhere, and we learn by doing!

It turns out that it was mostly in my head anyway. Everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives they wont be worrying about what I am up to, and many people were very supportive. 

Why we fear judgment so deeply

At our core, we want to belong and, for many of us, our identity has been built on being reliable, sensible, successful in the ways others understand.

So when we want something different, it can feel like we are breaking an unspoken rule.

I remember the first time I told people I had a business outside my corporate day job. I know there was talk about me, there were questions of my commitment and comments made behind my back.

I processed the way it made me feel (mostly worried and frustrated), parked it and moved on. 

Since then, many people have come out of the dark to tell me they have also bucked the trend, one is a personal trainer on the side, another a part time property investor, and many, many more have shared their dreams of wanting more but their fear holds them back. 

So what can we do about it? 

Let me share a few tactics that I have employed over the years.

5 Ways to move past the fear of judgment

1. Ask: whose opinion truly matters?
   You don’t need everyone to get it, just a few trusted voices, and your own - forget the rest. If people don’t believe in your dream, whatever that is then great, keep some distance between them and you/or the topic. Ask people whose opinion you do care about, someone trusted, and maybe even someone who already is where you want to go. 
   
   

2. Remember: you are not for everyone
   And that is a good thing. You are not trying to live everyone else’s version of success. I learned this with public speaking. In a room full of 100 people, my target is to make a difference to 1 - because if I do, I have succeeded. I focus on the person who is where I have been, stuck, trapped in a life situation they are not sure how, or if, they can get out of. If I tried to speak to the 100, I would never reach anyone. I am not for everyone, and not everyone is for me - remember that and move on.
   
   

3. Let your results speak
   People will question your choices until they see them working. Do it anyway. It sounds terrible, but most people want others to fail to make themselves feel better. Don’t be one of those people, and certainly don’t listen to them. Take action, make changes, make mistakes and learn from them. You will only ever regret the things you didn’t try, not the things you did.
   
   

4. Curate your environment
   Spend time with people who expand your thinking, not shrink your confidence. One of the keys to ongoing success in my view is to find your tribe, your pod, your group of supporters who are on a similar journey as you - growth and change. My tribe is diverse, one is an investor, one an interior designer and property developer, and another a nomadic free spirited physiotherapist. We are all on a mission to build our life by design, in very different ways yet we support each other on our journeys. Remove or reduce the time you spend with people who are negative or don’t believe in your dreams - and that includes on social media.
   
   

5. Remind yourself: you are allowed to change
   Evolving does not make you radical or weird. Lots of people do it, but maybe you are just so used to going to work everyday with the same people, year after year, that you don’t see the population who are evolving. You have one beautiful life, and as you live it you realise what you like, and what you don’t like. Take this opportunity to fill it with all the good stuff, and reduce all the bad. You are allowed to change, you are allowed to live your best life and if others don’t want to then that’s great, they are not you.
   
   

People are always going to have opinions, but their voices do not have to be louder than your own.

If you want a career that excites you, a life that reflects you, some people might raise an eyebrow - as Mel Robbins would say, "Let Them". 

Focus your energy on you, and not what others think of you. 

Always with love,

Elsa x

Ready to stop second-guessing and start building a career on your terms? The Career Clarity Blueprint was made for you, get ready to transform your career and life 💚