Have you ever worked with somebody who completely throws you off what you're doing and you can't explain why? It might be something small, maybe it's a look, a comment, or a piece of feedback, but suddenly your mood shifts. You feel frustrated or defensive, maybe even slightly unsettled, for the rest of the day. What’s really interesting is that somebody else could experience that exact same situation and not be affected at all.
Why do I say this? Well, I recently read a book, not one that I would normally pick up, but it caught my eye. And there was a concept inside it that has really stayed with me. It describes this idea of a glass of water with sediment in the bottom.
Now imagine somebody comes along with a spoon and stirs that glass. The someone is the spoon. If there is sediment sitting at the bottom of your glass, your water becomes cloudy.
When I heard this, I started to think about what each part represents. The glass of water is you, your internal state. The sediment is everything sitting under the surface, your beliefs, your fears, your past experiences, your standards, the stories that you tell yourself. And the spoon is everything external. That’s other people, your boss, your colleagues, and situations you can’t control.
So when somebody comes along and stirs you up, or gets your back up, or whatever it may be that triggers you, your water becomes cloudy. Your state becomes cloudy. That’s when you feel off.
But if your water is completely clear and there is no sediment, then that person, the spoon, can stir all they want and nothing really changes. And the amazing thing is that the spoon is not the problem. The sediment is.
Because the same situation can happen to two different people and one can be completely fine, while the other is thrown off for hours, sometimes days or even weeks.
When I reflected on that, particularly in the context of our careers, it really landed. Because we all have spoons. There are always going to be external factors that can stir you up. We have bosses that challenge us, colleagues that trigger us, situations that stretch us. And that’s never going to go away.
But what makes the difference is how you respond.
And I can definitely see this in myself. There have been times where I’ve allowed somebody to impact my mood or my confidence far more than I would like to admit.
When I sat with that and this concept, I realised that it doesn’t actually come back to them. It comes back to me. To those underlying beliefs that I haven’t fully processed.
I hold myself to very high standards. I want to do well, I want to deliver, and I want to be seen as credible and capable. And underneath that, if I’m honest, there can sometimes be a layer of doubt. That question of what if I’m not quite good enough? What if somebody realises I’m not as capable as they think I am?
And that’s where things like imposter syndrome can show up.
So when someone gives feedback, or challenges me, or behaves in a certain way, it’s not just the situation that I’m reacting to. It’s the underlying belief being stirred. That’s my sediment being stirred.
And this is where I think we unknowingly give our power away. Because we focus on the spoon. We think, if only they were different, if only my boss communicated better, if only my team behaved differently, if only the situation changed.
But the reality is there will always be spoons. There will always be people who challenge you, stretch you, or trigger something in you.
So the real opportunity is not to control the spoon. It is to understand your sediment.
And when you do that, everything changes.
You become less reactive. You start to notice what is happening in the moment rather than being completely pulled into it. And you create a small amount of space between what happens and how you respond.
And that space is where your power is. Because from that place, you can choose how you want to show up.
Over time, as you start to understand yourself more deeply, something else happens. The water starts to clear. The same situations that used to completely throw you off no longer have the same impact. And that’s not because the environment has changed, but because you have.
This is why, for me, having the time to stop and think, to reflect, to journal, is so important. Because that’s when you can start to clear your sediment.
If this resonates, I would encourage you to start small. The next time something triggers you, instead of immediately reacting or blaming the situation, just pause and ask yourself what exactly has been triggered here, and why does it matter to me?
What belief or fear might be sitting underneath this reaction?
You don’t need to fix it straight away. But taking that moment to pause and reflect will start to build your self-awareness.
And from that self-awareness comes choice. From that choice comes change.
This is such a big part of what I do. Helping people step back, see the patterns clearly, and understand what’s really driving their thoughts, behaviours, and decisions.
Because when you can see it, you can change it. And when you can change it, you can start to experience your career and your life very differently.
If this episode has resonated and you are starting to notice some of these patterns in yourself, then feel free to reach out. I would love to support you.
Thank you for listening. Please follow Career Clarity Insights so you don’t miss a future episode, and I will see you in the next one.
