Maybe you’ve said it….

“I’m scared to fail.”

Yep, I have been there. I remember it at school, and in pretty much every job I have had, plus being a parent, daughter and partner for good measure. 

We tell ourselves that we are not good enough, smart enough, capable enough. That we should not have tried in the first place.

I know this fear well...

Failure in marriage

When I realised I was with someone that I no longer liked or wanted to be with, for a long time I told myself I had failed. That the world would judge me and my children would hate me.

It took me a long time to re-frame my “failure”, realising that staying in something that was not right for either of us was the failure. 

Separating was not failing. It was choosing a better life for everyone involved. It was the bravest decision I have ever made. 

Failure as a parent

Whilst I try to avoid this at all costs, life happens. There was a special school assembly my daughter will never forget. Not because I was there, but because I wasn't. I had the date in my calendar, I had promised I would be there and then I missed it.

I felt like I had failed as a mum. 

But what I have learned since is that one moment does not define my worth. One mistake does not undo all the love, effort and intention I bring. Now, I am clear on my priorities in everything I do. 

Failure in business

Launching a business is not easy! Some things have worked and some things have not. 

Launching a course with zero uptake hurts. Despite thinking I had done everything “right” - the planning, the prep, the positioning, yet still, no one bought it. I wanted to crawl under a rock.

Will it stop me? 

No. 

That failed launch taught me more than any successful one has. It showed me where my messaging missed and where I needed to focus my energy. 

I refined my strategy, and now have a business that works for me and feels more aligned and impactful than I imagined back then.

Why we fear failure so much

Because we tie it to our identity.

We don’t just think, “That failed.” We think, “I am a failure.”

And that is where we get it wrong. Failure is not personal, it is feedback, its data and direction.

If you never fail, you never learn. And if you never learn, you never grow.

Three ways to take the fear out of failure

1. Name your worst-case scenario, and then plan for it

What is the actual worst that could happen? Will you lose your house? Your family? Your dignity? Often, fear is exaggerated in our minds. So grab a pen and paper and name it. 

Next, plan for it. This is the risk based approach that I take in step 3 of my 3 Step System (Strategy), where you get clear on what could go wrong so you can mitigate or plan for it. You will feel more in control immediately.

That big dream you have always had - what is the worst that could happen if you went for it? A career jump? You get rejected - until you don’t. You want to launch a business? You lose some money and it folds. So, have a financial buffer ready or find a new job. 

Don’t let your fear of failure hold you back from your biggest dreams - lean into them, plan for them and just go for it.

1. Start small and let failure be part of the process

Try things that are low-risk. A new idea at work, a side project, a bold conversation. The more you do something, the more you learn and the better you get at it. You don’t need to go all in on day one, perhaps you just need to start something smaller. 

A friend of mine would love to one day run a small business with her husband. They are both in full time employment with a young family, but there is nothing stopping them launching something from their own home. Something small to figure out what it means to work together, to have a website, create a brand, understand marketing and social media as a contributor and not a consumer. Building your dream life can start one small step at a time. 

So ask yourself, what is your dream life and what small step can you take today?

1. Redefine success

Success is not “no failures”, it is about showing up consistently day after day and pursuing your dream no matter what. 

It is about enjoying the journey of learning and trying again. For me, success is now about alignment, impact, and progress, whilst enjoying life - not external perfection, or judging myself against other peoples standards.

What does success look like to you? A flash car? Or a 6 month financial buffer in your bank account? A massive house, or being financially free?

Define what it means to you, and write it down. Remind yourself of it often, because often people and the temptations in life can lead you astray. 

Let this be your biggest year yet

Don’t let fear keep you stuck in the career or life that no longer serves you. Try something new, and remember the three tips above as you do. 

I have said it before, and will say it again…

“You will only regret the things you didn’t try”

Just go for it. 

Because failure will always be a part of your growth, but so will momentum, magic, and those moments you will look back on and say, “That is when everything started to change.”

Let it change now.

You do not have to get it perfect.

You just have to get started.

Always with love,

Elsa x